Dec 20, 2010: On the cautious side…

My gorgeous Rina,

Today, we had another doctor’s appointment and everything is going well with you. You now weigh-in at an even 8lbs (3630g), which means we’ve been feeding you just right! We didn’t measure your length, but I’m pretty sure you’ve grown a few centimeters since last week.

 

As for me, the doctor would like to see me again on New Year’s Eve. I was voicing that when you have your cranky/gassy moments, is usually when my energy level is at its lowest and it’s usually not a good combination. I know in my head that I am a good mom, trying my best to provide to you in the best of my abilities, but when we both have our cranky moments, my emotions take over my head and make me doubt my capacities as a mom. I ask myself if I am really cut out for this and how am I supposed to do this when I haven’t eaten in over 6 hours or when I can barely take a pee break without you squirming and crying out in pain from gas. Yes, you are a gassy girl and you are struggling with your farts and your poops. What. A. Shocker! You take after your mom on that one! I’m sorry if it’s too much information for you, but you need to know these things. So, because I get teary eyed when you get cranky and because I doubt myself and don’t have a big support group where we live, the doctor wants to see me again in about a week just to make sure I’m not going into depression. Your dad tells me he’s not worried about depression… yet. He understands that I am under a lot of stress lately, trying to manage being on my own with you for most of the day and evening while he’s at work, but he’s also keeping an eye out for me as he knows I am subject to seasonal blues (caused by lack of sunlight in the fall and winter time). The doctor will be doing the same, just to be on the safe side. I don’t feel bad about it all, I’d rather be honest about my emotions and be followed medically if need be than be sorry later on that I hid my emotions under false pride. When it comes to you, I want to be the best I can be and if that means to be followed for depression (if it ever comes to that), then let’s do it! In my opinion, I am being a good mom for recognizing my limits rather than putting up a false brave front.

 

Today, I had 3 simple goals on my list of things to do: eat lunch, take you to the doctor and eat dinner. I was able to do all 3, plus, I took you to Walmart for some small necessities. So far, you’ve had a pretty good day and you’ve been sleeping since our little shopping trip! I’ll leave you with a picture of you taken yesterday:

Big eyes, just like Mama!

 

Love,

Mom & Dad Xxo

2 thoughts on “Dec 20, 2010: On the cautious side…

  1. Oh hunny, its not that you lack what it takes to be a mother. Babies, just like animals are soooo receptive to energies and emotions. If you’re upset in the least babies sense that and it can make her fussier. You’re doing great! She looks great and happy! I’m sure you’re not depressed, just trying to adjust to a whole new world. Once she adjusts and you get a schedule you guys will be doing great.

    You should look into tanning. When hubby gets home run out and go tan for 5 minutes. Sometimes that 5 minutes in a tanning bed is just what you need to get outta that gloomy weather funk we all feel.

    I hope you have a good day, eat and take care of yourself, if you don’t do it for you, you can’t do it for her. Its hard to let them fuss but sometimes its ok for a few minutes while you gobble something down. Find a protein bar you can munch on while feeding her. I love Luna protein bars! Never doubt yourself! You’re doing great!

  2. I commend you for your honesty! One of the reasons we got our dog was so that I would have a reason to go outside every day during the winter, to absorb what (very) little sunlight Victoria has to offer, because I too get the wintertime blues.

    We mommas need to stick together so when you need anything, just give me a call! Any time of day! Alexis is still proving to be a night owl!

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