Who am I again?

It’s just been one of those LONG days. It started last night, really, when Béatrice kept on waking up. Nothing would settle her. I even brought her in bed with us with the hope of catching some Zs, but she would slap us in the face or kick us in the back, wake herself up and would start howling. Advil, warm formula bottles and cuddles had zero effect on her. She played that crazy little game until 0300, when I had just about enough and I was ready to let her cry her little heart out. I put her back into her crib, closed the door and prayed I could sleep for just a bit. She whined for about 15mins and finally fell asleep. Ben was fast asleep next to me and I crashed quickly too… until 0600 when Béatrice whimpered in her sleep. It woke me up and I couldn’t fall back asleep (damn you wonder-mommy hearing abilities)! I think I was so on edge with the fear of her waking up again, that it kept me up.

Ben drove Rina to pre-school and I stayed home with a cranky Béatrice. She remained cranky the entire day.

After the whole nanny debacle of yesterday, the nanny called me back last night (when she finally got my message) and apologized profusely about getting things mixed up as it was a holiday yesterday and she didn’t think she was to come in. I gave her another chance to prove herself today and although she kept interrupting me and seems to have the attention span of a fly 3 year-old, but she was really good with the girls and allowed me to finish cleaning the kitchen while she kept everyone entertained. She has a lot to learn about our family, so I think it’s good she’ll be coming twice a week while I’m still at home. The girls have already adopted her, so much so that Rina wanted her to tuck her in for nap. She even gave her a kiss and a hug. Béatrice also gave her a couple of smiles (which is a lot for Béa, she’s more stand-offish with strangers), so I think this could work out in the end.

By the girls’ bedtime tonight, I had zero patience left in me and I put the girls down a bit early. I just want to sit on the couch and stare into nothingness or knit. I don’t think anything coherent could come out of my mouth. I don’t know which is more tiring: days when I Crossfit or days when I’m completely sleep-deprived. I think the worst are days when I’m sleep-deprived AND I Crossfit. On those days, I feel like everything gets done on auto-pilot… Who am I? Where am I? I figure, as long as I managed to keep the girls alive until bedtime and everyone has been fed three somewhat decent meals and a few bottles of formula, I’m doing ok. So what if I can’t remember my name? I’m too tired to care!

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