Anguish

BeZU is sick. She has been under the weather for about 4 days now. I’ve taken her to the clinic yesterday where the doctor was a bit of a douchebag. He pretty much wrote down what he thought she has and told me to “look it up on the computer”. That’s right. I asked questions and his answer was always: “No, just look it up.” I felt like screaming: “I’m here now, I’m a fu**ing nurse, why don’t you take 5 minutes of your precious time and explain things to me?!?” I didn’t. I should have.

Poor Béa has sores all over her mouth, tongue and lips. To top it all off, she is cutting 2 molars and 2 cuspids. Her gums are swollen and bleed as soon as you touch them. She hasn’t had a full meal in at least 2 days, she’s dizzy and weak, can barely walk without falling over her feet and is in so much pain, she kept waking up every 1-2hrs last night until we took her to bed with us at 0330. I bought her some meal replacement with high hopes of her drinking it, but she barely touched the thing. She’s on antibiotics and I’m hoping they will kick in very soon. It breaks my heart to know she is hungry and to see her start crying as soon as she bites down on something because it hurst her gums and/or her sores. We have tried smoothies, but the acidity from the fruits hurts her mouth. Brushing her teeth is torture and gets her gums bleeding like mad.

I hope she is about to turn the corner of whatever this is because my heart aches for her. This is the part of motherhood I don’t enjoy: knowing your child is suffering and only being able to hold her, rock her and kiss her. Ben has been amazing. When I can’t take the hurt and burst into tears, he takes over and helps out as much as he can. Feel better soon my little Béa. Mama loves you with all her heart and she wishes she could make your booboo go away…

 

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