Today was one of the suckiest day I’ve ever had to go through.

After a very long night at work, I was looking forward to coming home, walking Duke and then we had plans to go out for breakfast (our usual Sunday morning routine when I’m not working).

I came home exhausted and took off with Duke for our walk. He had been so good lately that I decided to walk him off-leash. We made it 2 blocks from our house when he dashed into the street to go greet a dog on the other side. He never made it to greet the other dog. A car couldn’t avoid him and ran him over. Duke yelped endlessly and hobble his way over to me on the sidewalk. I can clearly remember the thud of his little body being run over and the screeching tires. He was bloody and looked like his back left hip was dislocated.

The driver came to us as well as a few people drawn out by Duke’s yelps. I took the driver’s phone number as well as the vet hospital she recommended. I called Ben to let him know about the situation and I picked up Duke and carried him back home. The longest 2 blocks I’ve ever had to walk. I was crying and shaking the whole way while Duke was moaning softly.

Once I was back home, I put him down gently, called the vet hospital and made my way over while Ben was getting the girls ready to come meet us there. They were waiting for me at the vet hospital and scooped Duke away to give him some pain killers and clean up his wounds. Ben and the girls arrived later, while I was still waiting to hear from the vet. He finally came to see us, gave us an estimate of his treatment course and the price varied between $1500-$2000 just for his care overnight as well as all the exams required. The estimate also included other options which would bring the bill up to $3500. Heck, there was no way we could afford that so I made the decision to pay for x-rays and hoped it would be something we could deal with at home.

Turns out he had no broken bone, but the vet had done an abdominal ultrasound and he had an abdominal bleed and therefore, it would not be safe for us to take him home with us. Our only other option was to pay for the x-rays and surrender him to the vet, who would then contact some agencies for the fees required for his care or they would euthanize him if he deteriorated too much. We were given some time with him to say our goodbyes. I don’t think Béatrice understands or is affected by any of it, but myself and Rina are absolutely devastated. Ben is stoic, but I can tell his heart is breaking to see Rina so sad about the whole thing. I’ve been crying all day and while Ben took the girls to run some errands, I was in charge of cleaning the house of everything Duke-related with the hopes that “out of sight, out of mind” will help Rina cope better.

I blame myself fully for having lost such a good pup. I should have kept him on his leash and Rina is quick to remind me of that. Not only do I have to deal with my grief and help my daughter cope with hers, but I also have to deal with a world of guilt.

I tried calling the vet hospital for an update in the afternoon, but since I have revoked my ownership to Duke, they wouldn’t tell me anything other than “he was comfortable”. Patient confidentiality even for animals apparently…

I hope he pulls through and gets adopted by a wonderful family. He is a very tender pup. In the event that he doesn’t, I hope they don’t let him suffer unnecessarily and euthanize him with dignity. He was only with us for a short month, but he was MY dog and I had been waiting 7 years for him. Now, I don’t want another dog, because there’s no way I’m ever putting myself or my family through such an ordeal ever again.

Crossfit will be my therapy tomorrow, that’s for sure. For now, here’s the last picture I took of Duke and how I want to remember him. Happy and running free…

Goodbye Duke. You will be missed

Goodbye Duke. You will be missed

3 thoughts on “Sadness

  1. Val,
    On ne peut vivre la tristesse de l’autre mais on peut la partager…le poids en est ainsi allégé porté à plusieurs que seule.
    Je suis avec toi de tout cœur dans cette dure épreuve pour toi et Rina!! Je ne peux faire plus, mais ça je peux!!
    Je t’aime

  2. Pingback: Breathe | Ramblings of a Babymama

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