Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

I came home late from a long day at work. I stayed a few hours extra to help out a co-worker who had some family business to attend (don’t worry, she’ll come in early for me next week, so I’ll have a short day!), but that meant I did 14hrs at work yesterday. I managed to squeeze my ROMWOD in during a short break and it felt good to be stretching at the end of the day!

Pigeon pose in my scrubs!

Pigeon pose in my scrubs!

I got home after Ben did and we hung out a bit on the couch before I headed to bed. I fell asleep around midnight and the night seemed very short when Rina came to wake me up at 0600 this morning. I got up, made her lunch, got breakfast going, started with my weekly cleaning and had to leave it unfinished because it was time to head into the Box.

I felt like quitting and heading back home during the warm-up so I knew I would struggle today to get it all done!

Skill: 3RM Front Squat (12 mins)

We had 12 minutes to find out our 3RM on the front squat and although I had planned on reaching 120#, I stopped after I did crappy reps at 115#. Energy was low, I was stripping my butt on the up and I knew the WOD would be brutal (for me) so I saved what little I had left in the tank for the WOD.

WOD: Nancy

I decided to do FG1+ yet again today. That’s what I had done the last time I did this one and considering I felt drained of life, I knew it would be a definite challenge. To add to all that, it was also raining. Perfect weather for my crappy mood and to go running outside!

3-2-1- Go!

There was no way I would keep up with Linda today: she’s a faster runner and I’m pretty sure she managed her OHS non-stop for all her rounds as I had to break mine mostly into sets of 5 (with the occasional 7 in there).

I knew I was in trouble when I started bawling on my 1st round of OHS. I tried to regulate my breathing as best I could on the run and finally got things somewhat under control, but mentally, I had already checked out. You know it’s bad when I get it into my head that “I’ll recover in the run!” Ha! Yep! That thought actually crossed my mind quite a few times during the WOD. Everybody was done by the time I reached my 4th round of OHS, so I kept going and went out by myself for my last run. I came back in with everyone cheering me on I finished at 24:53 and crumpled to the floor to get a good cry. Who knew I was this tired? After I left a puddle of tears on the floor, I got up and put my stuff away, all the while thinking I should have listened to myself and gone home after the warm-up. I. AM. SPENT! It took me 1:36 longer this time around to finish Nancy at the same weight I had done previously. However, apparently our 400m run isn’t 400m. It’s somewhere between 440-460m, depending on who you talk to. Therefore, I guess I PR’d today even though I really didn’t!

Well, maybe I'd done better if Ryan had actually been there for me today! ;)

Well, maybe I’d done better if Ryan had actually been there for me today! 😉

I came back home to finish my cleaning, had a quick bath, made lunch and roasted pumpkin seeds (’tis the season!) Béatrice refuses to play nicely upstairs so I’ll try to fit in my ROMWOD for today and will relax a bit before going for a nap before my night at work tonight.

Where’s My Tiger Blood At???

We had a busy Father’s Day yesterday, biking downtown to the first Victoria’s Car-Free day in the downtown core. There were tons of vendors out in the streets and the girls were in heaven when they got balloons (purple ones, obviously)! I was also pretty stoked to find myself a second bikini for our upcoming trip and I also found 2nd bathing suits for the girls for the same trip as well as new sandals for Béa (her toes were curling over the sole at the front of her old ones)! Overall, it was a nice sunny day, filled with lots of people and I was glad to come back home for dinner. Let me just say, there’s isn’t much Whole30-approved when you’re out and about in the real world! I came home to cook some hamburgers with my sous-chef (Rina) and I was surprised when she asked for “Maman’s meat” for dinner. Not only did she finish her 1st serving, she asked for seconds! Victory!

I fell asleep on the couch at 2100 last night.  I woke up at 2130 and went to bed, hoping for a full night of deep sleep. Yeah, that didn’t happen. The husband came to bed before I fell asleep and he fell quickly asleep (ahem, snoring, ahem) and then Béatrice was crying because her eczema was itchy and Rina was also awake with a bad dream. I must have fallen asleep around midnight.  SLEEP FAIL!

I woke up early and grumpy for the WOD:

Skill: Deadlift 10×1 EMOM

We were to use the last weight we had used recently on our 5×5. Mine was 135# and that’s what I used. It felt good and somewhat easy. I felt like I could have gone a little heavier on those.

WOD: Froggy

I was tempted to try this one Rx, but knowing that I had not fueled, hydrated and slept properly yesterday, I went with FG2, with 65# on my bar. I had gone into it with the plan of breaking up my front squats as such, per rounds:

  • 8-7-6 (21)
  • 6-5-4 (15)
  • 5-4 (9)

I stuck to my plan, except on the last round where I did 6-3 before going to the box jumps. Those were slow. I knew I was the last one to work on this, but I was hoping to be closer to the pack. No such luck. I finished at 8:05 and most people were around the 4-6 minutes. I felt discouraged. I sat and mulled on the floor. Mark and I got to talking and he said: “Even though you’re last, you still lapped everyone that stayed on the couch!” I told him this was motivation enough for maybe a year, but at close to 2 years of usually coming in last and so far behind everyone else, I needed something else. He told me to go home and blog about it to get it out of my system. He knows me better than I think he does! 😉

He’s right though. He said you have two options:

  • find newer, slower people you can beat
  • get faster at it

I guess I’ll just have to get faster at it! 🙂

At the same time, I need to cut myself some slack. I am not Wonder Woman and I can’t do it all. I do make Crossfit a priority because I choose to. Maybe I should have a “deload week” like Kathleen suggested where I cut back on my weights. Maybe it will be easier when Rina is out of school for the summer and the girls don’t have gymnastics either. I have to say, parenting has been a challenge for the past few months and I feel like I need a break. Our little vacation in Cuba cannot come soon enough! It will be nice to not have to clean, cook, do laundry and all that crap for 7 days. I plan on getting some much deserved rest, that’s for sure! For now, I just need to get a nap. Although, I think this will have to wait as I just heard Béatrice fall upstairs…

(…)

Tracey is kind enough to host a Whole30-friendly get-together tonight and I’m seriously wondering if it would be totally inappropriate to show up in my sweat pants. What do you think?

Right, nap first, then reassess! 😉

And that's why I show up even when not in top shape!

And that’s why I show up even when not in top shape!

*Tiger blood: As per Whole30:

Days 16-27: Tiger Blood!

You’ve hit the downhill slope of your Whole30 and life is beautiful—which means different things for different people. For some (generally people who came to the program eating well, exercising regularly, and feeling pretty good to begin with), Tiger Blood means someone flipped a switch and turned on the awesome. Energy is through the roof, cravings are under control, clothes are fitting better, workouts are stronger.

For others, this Tiger Blood stage feels more like a real sense of self-efficacy. It doesn’t mean things are perfect (or even easy), but you’re proving to yourself that you can do this, things are getting better, and you’re seeing improvements (small or large) almost daily. Your energy is steadier, you’ve got a firmer handle on the cravings, and you’re experimenting with new, delicious foods.  You may notice that your ability to focus is keener, your body composition is changing, your moods are more stable, you’re stepping up your exercise, or you’re just plain happier these days.

Of course, this may not happen like magic at the halfway point. There are a huge number of factors that influence which benefits you see and when. If you’re one of those folks who has hit the halfway mark and isn’t seeing or feeling the dramatic changes others have reported*, know this: You’re not doing it wrong. If you began the Whole30 with a medical condition, a long and rooted history of unhealthy food habits, or a chronically stressful lifestyle, your “magic” may take longer to appear, and probably won’t be a “light switch” moment. Don’t stress about whether you’re feeling honest-to-goodness “Tiger Blood”—be patient, and be on the lookout for small, gradual improvements to keep

– See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.sHD2loAh.dpuf

Exhale

That moment when the girls are finally quiet in their bed and I can exhale and release all the tension of having to care for them. My feet are up on the coffee table, I have my knitting, but I may not even click my needles. I have been to Crossfit two days in a row and I am absolutely spent. Soreness has been settling in deeper since about 11am and I need to roll. I’m just praying for a good night of sleep and recovery as Ben is away for a tournament.

This has to end!

Last night, I took a Mama’s night out. It was the Box’s Christmas party and my wonderful sister-in-law offered to watch the girls so I could go (seeing as Ben was away for the weekend). I had a good time at the party and figured out a few things about myself while there:

  • I’m not a heels kinda girl (I think I too my heels off about 20 mins after I arrived at the party and just walked around barefoot!)
  • I don’t like my perfume anymore. After not having worn it for over a year, I put some on last night and it totally annoyed me for the whole evening 😦

I came back home about 10 minutes before Ben did and I was really happy he was home. I went to bed about 1hr later and I was ready for a good long night of sleep. Béa, however had a different plan. She woke up at 0130 and after a diaper change, I tried to rock her to sleep with lame results. I usually give her a bottle to help her fall back asleep, but I’m trying to break that cycle. She’s 1 and definitely doesn’t need to be having a bottle in the middle of the night. She fell back asleep until 0230. Meanwhile, I didn’t sleep because hubster was gently snoring the night away next to me. We both got up, tried to give Béa some Acetaminophen for her teething and wished she’d go back to sleep. She did until 0330. Again, I didn’t sleep and the hubby complained that he hadn’t slept either (Errrr, what were you doing snoring next to me then?!?) I caved in, gave her a bottle and she finally went back to sleep. I felt so defeated. Am I going to have to give her a bottle until she’s 5?!? Meanwhile, I can’t really keep on running on fumes like I’ve been doing when I go back to work. Little lives will depend on what’s left of my sharp mind! I’ll be completely honest and say that I’m sometimes jealous of the hubby. He goes away a lot on the weekends for work, but HE GETS TO SLEEP! He was telling me he had slept for 10hrs in one night over the weekend! 10 HOURS! I think the last time I slept 10hrs was January 2009!

I decided to go to Crossfit anyway, to try to chase the grumpiness away.

I had never done the Back Squat 5×5, but I had done 5×3 so I was aiming at a little higher weight than I did for the 5×3. It worked! I PR’d with 90# (my progression: 70-75-80-85-90). Getting close to the 3-digits back squat! 🙂

We then teamed up for the WOD. Since there was only 5 of us (and I was the only woman), I paired up with Josh and Peter. Josh and I added our scores, then averaged them and added that to Peter’s score. We finished with a total of 138, but I did improve my personal reps. From 62 in September to 71 today. Not too bad! 2 PRs today! 🙂

Came back home and although I was proud of myself for my accomplishments, I got a little frustrated. The landlord (lives upstairs) always decides to vacuum when it’s nap time for the girls. Not that she knows when the girls nap, but I’ve had enough. Enough of the inconvenient vacuuming, enough with them running loads of laundry until 2200 when they’ve been home all day, enough of the confined living space, enough of the absolute zero access to outside living this year (as they are still not done with the renos that started at the beginning of May!) Hopefully, next summer, we’ll move to something that is better suited for us (or at least, my inner peace)! As you can see, Crossfit didn’t manage to chase away the grumps in me. 😦

I am thanking my lucky star I had the foresight to book Nanny for this afternoon. She will watch Béa while I go to Rina’s 1st Christmas Dance Recital. I hope it won’t be too disastrous as she’ll have to skip her afternoon nap… Nanny will be staying to help out with dinner, bath time and bedtime too which is probably a great idea considering I might be tired at that time after sleeping for only 3 1/2 hours! Hurray for good planning!

Who am I again?

It’s just been one of those LONG days. It started last night, really, when Béatrice kept on waking up. Nothing would settle her. I even brought her in bed with us with the hope of catching some Zs, but she would slap us in the face or kick us in the back, wake herself up and would start howling. Advil, warm formula bottles and cuddles had zero effect on her. She played that crazy little game until 0300, when I had just about enough and I was ready to let her cry her little heart out. I put her back into her crib, closed the door and prayed I could sleep for just a bit. She whined for about 15mins and finally fell asleep. Ben was fast asleep next to me and I crashed quickly too… until 0600 when Béatrice whimpered in her sleep. It woke me up and I couldn’t fall back asleep (damn you wonder-mommy hearing abilities)! I think I was so on edge with the fear of her waking up again, that it kept me up.

Ben drove Rina to pre-school and I stayed home with a cranky Béatrice. She remained cranky the entire day.

After the whole nanny debacle of yesterday, the nanny called me back last night (when she finally got my message) and apologized profusely about getting things mixed up as it was a holiday yesterday and she didn’t think she was to come in. I gave her another chance to prove herself today and although she kept interrupting me and seems to have the attention span of a fly 3 year-old, but she was really good with the girls and allowed me to finish cleaning the kitchen while she kept everyone entertained. She has a lot to learn about our family, so I think it’s good she’ll be coming twice a week while I’m still at home. The girls have already adopted her, so much so that Rina wanted her to tuck her in for nap. She even gave her a kiss and a hug. Béatrice also gave her a couple of smiles (which is a lot for Béa, she’s more stand-offish with strangers), so I think this could work out in the end.

By the girls’ bedtime tonight, I had zero patience left in me and I put the girls down a bit early. I just want to sit on the couch and stare into nothingness or knit. I don’t think anything coherent could come out of my mouth. I don’t know which is more tiring: days when I Crossfit or days when I’m completely sleep-deprived. I think the worst are days when I’m sleep-deprived AND I Crossfit. On those days, I feel like everything gets done on auto-pilot… Who am I? Where am I? I figure, as long as I managed to keep the girls alive until bedtime and everyone has been fed three somewhat decent meals and a few bottles of formula, I’m doing ok. So what if I can’t remember my name? I’m too tired to care!

Tears of joy!

After the evening I had yesterday, the night didn’t get any better. Ben only got home at 2300 and the girls kept taking turns at waking each other up crying. I think I totalled 3hrs of sleep. Ugh! Let’s just say, I debated a long time (maybe 2 mins. That’s a LONG time for me as I NEVER snooze and am usually up by the time my alarm finishes its first round of ringing) about getting up when my alarm went off, but I figured, you’re awake, go and get it done!

Yeah… I thought I was going to need a bucket BEFORE we even started the warm-up, so that didn’t bode well… I always get nauseous when I’m running on fumes, sleep-wise…

I slacked off also on the back squats. For some reason, I thought I’d never done the 3-2-1 progression, but it turns out I did at 65# (Mark, if you read this, you were right and I was wrong! Sorry!). Today, I only used 55#. Live and learn!

I think there were only 6 of us this morning (can’t remember for sure, everything was a blur) and since my shins were acting up from all the double unders (stupid shin splints), I was doomed to modify with 0.5 mile on the Airdyne and 500m row.

"Send Off" or F*ck you Airdyne!

Damien,-spawn-of-everything-evil Airdyne

Tracey is still struggling with her knee, so it made sense for us to partner up. We were gonna do the 5 rounds. Airdyne 0.5 mile x 5 = SUCKING AIR big time and looking for a bucket multiple times! Tracey was the best partner to have for this WOD. She is so sweet and kind and always encouraging. I had 2 goals for this WOD: finishing and not swearing. I managed both before I burst into tears when I finished the last row. I was so proud of myself for getting through this very unpleasant 25 mins! It took a lot out of me. I had to zone out many times, just closing my eyes and not looking at how slow the numbers were moving on the erg or the dyne. I just kept rowing/biking and I even managed a slow sprint on the erg at the end. My erg average was brutal today. couldn’t go below 2:22/500m and I was more often closer to 2:30/500m, but I’m glad I sucked it up and finished!

We finished with a time of 25:13. Coach Cam allowed us to write it Rx on the white board! 🙂 I should have taken a picture, it was my first Rx ever! It completely skipped my mind. I guess I was too busy trying to breathe while swallowing back a little vomit. As I was stretching on the floor, there literally was smoke floating in front of my face. I guess my body was so hot, I was fuming!

I came home and was hoping for a relaxing bath, but Rina was adamant about hanging out in the bathroom with me while I bathed so I cut it short and we all went out for breakfast! I had 2 eggs, a sweet potato has and some homemade sausage. It did the trick, even though my hands were still shaking from the exhaustion of the WOD. Fun times all around!

I’m hoping to go yarn shopping BY MYSELF today. Maybe the fact that I have yarn for my next project will somehow make me knit the Froth Mobius faster. That thing is never ending and although it is for a special person, I am way over it!

I’ll leave you with some pictures I took with Béatrice yesterday while Rina was napping. Everybody is getting a cold in this household so we’ll just bunker in for Thanksgiving (in Canada) this weekend!

CU-TIE!

CU-TIE!

Family of big eyes!

Family of big eyes!

She is now pulling herself up to stand!

She is now pulling herself up to stand!

Insomnia

I’ve been awake since 0400, listening to the girls tossing and turning in their beds and Ben’s soft, calming, rhythmic breathing.

I was lucky to squeeze in some sweet cuddles at 0500 with Béatrice when she woke up for her bottle.

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Sleepy eyes

 

Coming back to bed after putting her back in her crib, here’s what I saw:

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Sweet dreams Bunbun… You too Babe!

 

It’s now 0620, Rina is in bed with us, watching something on the iPad. I’ll try to sleep for an hour or so, hopefully.