After a draining day at work yesterday, all I wanted to do was come home to hug my girls. Instead I find myself facing a visibly distraught and heartbroken Nanny. Her boyfriend dumped her over the weekend and she is upset. Instead of hugging my girls, I find myself hugging Nanny. She is young and I know that she’ll get over it in time, but right now, I don’t say aching and I hug her while she sobs in my shoulder. Once she is calmed down and has left, I get to my needs and my girls. We have long hugs and cuddles and I put them to bed. I’m exhausted and looking forward to a good night of sleep.
0430. Béa is whimpering and I wait to see if she’ll settle herself or if she’ll escalate. I’m out of luck. She’s escalating and I get up to go get her. I could have slept for another 75mins. After the emotionally charged day yesterday, I wish I had. Instead, I find myself giving a bottle to my BeZU while she twists my hair in her little fingers. Upstairs, I hear my neighbour rocking her son back to sleep. We live in the ground floor of a house and upstairs are our neighbours. The house has never been sound-proofed and you can hear everything. Usually, that would drive me bonkers. I’ve said it before, we have outgrown this suite and I am more than ready for a place all our own. In this early morning, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one up before the sun with my little one. Mothers unite! Next to me is a completely oblivious Ben, snoring away. I wish I could do the same. Dualities of motherhood!
I put Béa back to bed where she stays quiet. As I’m about to fall asleep, I hear the low “Whirr” of the breast pump upstairs. Being a NICU nurse, I know recognize that sound. Being a mom, I know that sound too well for having had to pump for 8 weeks when Rina was born. How I despised that pump! Good on you neighbour, you’re a good mama!
As I ponder this, Rina gets up and joins us in bed. I guess I should get up too if I don’t want to be late for work. I am exhausted and am already counting the hours until bedtime. Only 15 more hours to go. I can do this. Right now, the prospect of waking up at 0500 tomorrow for Crossfit is daunting, but it is a commitment I have made with myself and I know I’ll go no matter what. For now, I just need to get through the day. Here’s to hoping it’s a good one. And if not, I can always go kiss my girls in their sleep when I come home.
Ramblings of a Babymama 