Early Morning

After a draining day at work yesterday, all I wanted to do was come home to hug my girls. Instead I find myself facing a visibly distraught and heartbroken Nanny. Her boyfriend dumped her over the weekend and she is upset. Instead of hugging my girls, I find myself hugging Nanny. She is young and I know that she’ll get over it in time, but right now, I don’t say  aching and I hug her while she sobs in my shoulder. Once she is calmed down and has left, I get to my needs and my girls. We have long hugs and cuddles and I put them to bed. I’m exhausted and looking forward to a good night of sleep.

0430. Béa is whimpering and I wait to see if she’ll settle herself or if she’ll escalate. I’m out of luck. She’s escalating and I get up to go get her. I could have slept for another 75mins. After the emotionally charged day yesterday, I wish I had. Instead, I find myself giving a bottle to my BeZU while she twists my hair in her little fingers. Upstairs, I hear my neighbour rocking her son back to sleep. We live in the ground floor of a house and upstairs are our neighbours. The house has never been sound-proofed and you can hear everything. Usually, that would drive me bonkers. I’ve said it before, we have outgrown this suite and I am more than ready for a place all our own. In this early morning, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one up before the sun with my little one. Mothers unite! Next to me is a completely oblivious Ben, snoring away. I wish I could do the same. Dualities of motherhood!

I put Béa back to bed where she stays quiet. As I’m about to fall asleep, I hear the low “Whirr” of the breast pump upstairs. Being a NICU nurse, I know recognize that sound. Being a mom, I know that sound too well for having had to pump for 8 weeks when Rina was born. How I despised that pump! Good on you neighbour, you’re a good mama!

As I ponder this, Rina gets up and joins us in bed. I guess I should get up too if I don’t want to be late for work. I am exhausted and am already counting the hours until bedtime. Only 15 more hours to go. I can do this. Right now, the prospect of waking up at 0500 tomorrow for Crossfit is daunting, but it is a commitment I have made with myself and I know I’ll go no matter what. For now, I just need to get through the day. Here’s to hoping it’s a good one. And if not, I can always go kiss my girls in their sleep when I come home.

 

 

“No Rep”-Day

Last night, I could tell I was catching the girls’ cold, but I still laid out my workout clothes in the bathroom with all the best intentions of making it to the 0600 Crossfit class this morning. Béatrice, however, had other plans. She woke up at 2300 and pretty much cried on straight through until 0230. I stayed up with her because Ben had to work today and I only go back to work tonight. I will take a nap in an hour or so, when the Nanny gets here.

It was a brutal night. After I finally managed to get BeZU down and sleeping, I was on edge, half expecting her to wake right back up and, therefore, I didn’t get back to sleep until 0330. We all woke up a bit later this morning and Béatrice was in the cranky-est of moods. I’m just happy she is finally napping and sound asleep for her afternoon nap. I am exhausted and stuffed up and not looking forward to a (nother) full night of being up, but I’ll manage somehow.

Béatrice, cranky and exhausted. Might as well laugh about it because there's nothing I can do about the bags under my eyes! ;)

Béatrice, cranky and exhausted. Might as well laugh about it because there’s nothing I can do about the bags under my eyes! 😉

I’m just glad the cleaning and laundry is done and I won’t have to deal with that on my days off as Ben will be working and I have a hunch I’ll be sick with a cold and the girls to deal with… Fun times ahead!

I hate missing Crossfit, but there was no way I was gonna make it in today. I just need to rest a bit before my night at work and  going to Crossfit would have been counter-productive. You gotta know your limits and know when to say “No rep”! I just hope the girls sleep through the night tonight so at least, Ben will be able to recoup a bit…

Insomnia

I’ve been awake since 0400, listening to the girls tossing and turning in their beds and Ben’s soft, calming, rhythmic breathing.

I was lucky to squeeze in some sweet cuddles at 0500 with Béatrice when she woke up for her bottle.

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Sleepy eyes

 

Coming back to bed after putting her back in her crib, here’s what I saw:

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Sweet dreams Bunbun… You too Babe!

 

It’s now 0620, Rina is in bed with us, watching something on the iPad. I’ll try to sleep for an hour or so, hopefully.