How I Miss My Sleep!

I finished my 1st set back to work and the thought of having to go back on Saturday isn’t helping. No sooner had I set foot in the house that I received a call asking if I would go back tonight for an extra shift. I never did overtime before I had kids, not about to start now! Full-time is enough for me. I have missed my girls and plan on sneaking in extra cuddles between now and Saturday!

I was apprehensive about working my night shifts (with good reasons). Sleep is such an important part of my life and going on without it kills me every time. After my 1st night, it had been 26 hours since I had last slept and I only managed to do so for about 4h30. It wasn’t much, but I managed to make it to my break, get another hour of shut-eye on my break and I slept for 5hrs today.

Arsenal for a successful day of sleeping!

Ear plugs, eye mask and a hot water bottle are mandatory in order to get some decent sleep when trying to do so during the day. I’m seriously thinking of investing on custom-fit earplugs. That’s how much I value my sleep and I figure, if I used them for the rest of my nursing career, they would definitely be an investment!

I had all the best intentions in the world of going to the noon class at Crossfit today, but I chose to sleep instead. No point in risking an injury because of lack of sleep and I would have had to get up at 1100 which meant only 2.5hrs of sleep. No can do! Heck I’m barely functioning after 9hrs over the past 2 days. I’m hoping to bank a decent night tonight, get up to my beloved 0600 class tomorrow and Friday. I haven’t yet given up on my 3 day/week subscription at the Box. I’ll see how it goes this month and make a decision after. Here’s to a new routine and trying to balance it all out!

Back To Work Update

I’ve been back to work for the past 2 days and here are a few things I had forgotten about work:

• Repeatedly washing your hands every 15 minutes (or more) with hospital soap will destroy your hands in about 8hrs or less. Mine are already raw and burning after only 2 shifts. I’m expecting them to crack and bleed by the end of this set 😦
• Hospitals are extremely dry environments. At least, the area I work in is. It must be because of all the oxygen outlets sucking the moisture out of the air, but I drank 2L of water on each of my shifts since I’ve been back to work. I usually drink a little over 1L at home everyday!
• When coming home after a particularly busy shift, I can still hear the cardiac monitor alarms ring in my ears for a few hours after being home (especially annoying after a night shift when all you want to do is crash into bed)
• Rude people are everywhere

Let me explain that last one. I am trying to give report to a pediatrician I work with and she interrupts me with the following conversation:

pediatrician: So! When are you due?

Me: Errr, I gave birth a year ago…

…

Ped: But you still have a tummy!?!
Me: … (Staring back incredulously) … So, about the patient…

At first, I was upset, heck, I was INFURIATED! Not only did she put her foot in her mouth with her first comment, she kept going! It took all my restraint not to bit**-slap the crap out of her. Then, as the day went on, I started to change how I felt about it. Sure, her comments were hurtful, distasteful and completely unrequested, but it just goes to show that a higher education cannot EDUCATE someone. She knows nothing about me, other than I’m a NICU nurse and she relies on my expertise with my patients to establish HER diagnosis and care-plan. She doesn’t know that I give a 100% of who I am to my husband and my daughters. She doesn’t know l give 100% of my efforts towards my fitness and my health day in and day out. She doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know that I lost over 2L of blood delivering a healthy baby girl, she doesn’t know that it took me 4 months to recover enough from that to simply walk without being dizzy. She doesn’t know that I may always finish last on the WODs at Crossfit, but I will never give up because I’m not a quitter. She doesn’t know how strong mentally, emotionally or physically I really am. She doesn’t know. In fact, she is clueless and it’s ok. I can’t hold it against her because she doesn’t know.

And I’m pretty sure I can squat more than she can, so, there! 😉

To Rina

My Sweet Rina,

Today I won’t get to see you like I normally have for the past 14 months. You see, today, I have to go back to work full-time. The past 14 months have been some of the most challenging months of my life, but they also have been the most rewarding and fulfilling because I got to spend them with you and your sister.

You have changed tremendously over the past year and it has been pure bliss to watch you grow into the person you are now today. You keep growing and evolving everyday and it never ceases to amaze me to see you become your own individual.

You are strong spirited, with unwavering determination, and will stand your grounds no matter what. Must be the French temper you get from me. As much as it drives me insane when we butt heads, I admire you for knowing what you want and sticking to your guns. I can only hope that you will come to recognize when you are wrong and apologize for your mistakes when you get older.

You have such a big heart, always sharing with Béatrice and ready to offer a helping hand. I may not always appreciate it, but know that it doesn’t go unnoticed by me. Your love of animals remind me of my own at your age: dogs, cats, horses, ducks, dolphins, killer whale. Nobody gets left behind, not even Kayla, your imaginary friend, that has become a part of our lives over the past 2 weeks.

You put out a very strong and unwavering front, and show your more tender, softer side only to the people closer to you, all the while always reaching out to make new friends. You are my little social butterfly. You will begin a new pre-school in February and although I feel bad that you will have to re-adjust to a new environment, I know you will settle in just fine. You will probably be quiet at the beginning, studying your new surroundings and people, but I know you will fit in anywhere you go.

You are very independent and I cherish the moments you let me curl up next to you and cuddle you. Those moments are rare, but oh so precious. I love that you thrive whenever we go for a walk or a hike and that your favourite place is “the beach” (aka the beach and/or hiking). Always keep that love of the outdoors, it’s one of the most rewarding place to be and it doesn’t cost anything!

You are set in your ways, but easily adapt to new ones as well. Be nice to Daddy today, he may not do things the same way I do them, but the end result will be the same.

My one and only Rina-Bina!

You will always be my 1st-born daughter and that is a special bond that will never break. You have transformed your Dad and I from adults to becoming parents, turned us from being a married couple to becoming a family. You taught me about unconditional love, about patience and about the importance of keeping everything balanced in life. You have also taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was and I thank you for that. You are my blue-eyed, curly-haired little angel and I know you will break some hearts later in life, just don’t be ruthless and don’t take people for granted. Then again, knowing how loving and caring you are, I feel those words of advice are useless. Just see them as a gentle reminder. You are my little clown and nothing warms my heart like hearing you burst into laughter and seeing that dimple appear on your right cheek (mine is on the left!) Keep your sense of humour, it is the best ice-breaker.

I will miss you dearly today and, hopefully, we’ll be able to talk on the phone. Rest assured that I will come kiss your soft curls tonight when you’re fast asleep, like I have done every night since you were born.

I love you with all my heart, now and forever.

Maman Xxo

 

 

To Béatrice

My sweet BeZU,

Today will be the 1st day of your life I don’t get to see you at all. I will leave for work before you wake up and you will be sleeping by the time I come back home. Don’t worry though, you will be in very good hands as you will get to spend the day with Daddy and Rina. I just can’t believe that it’s already time for me to go back to work. I was lucky enough to be at home for the past 14 months (2 months before you were born and 12 months of maternity leave) and I KNOW that we are lucky enough to get 12 months of maternity leave in Canada, so I really shouldn’t complain, but I also KNOW that I will miss you terribly today, tomorrow and everyday that I won’t get to be with you. I just hope you won’t hold it against me.

Happy birthday BeZU-Love!

You see, you are a very special little girl in the way that you made our family complete. We knew we wanted you from the get go, we thought we lost you early on in the pregnancy, but you stayed with us and when you finally showed up, you made us a family of 4. You will always have a special place in my heart as you will always be my youngest child. Not to forget that you share a birthday with your big sister and that makes December 7 extra special in our household.

You are the silent observer, staring, from under your long dark lashes with your big brown eyes,  but you can be extremely loud when you want something. You have the most serious facial expression, but your smile and Eddie Murphy-esque giggles are out of this world. You are my cuddly girl and I absolutely melt in your arms every time you hug me. I never want to let go when you cradle your head in my neck, against my shoulder.

You make the weirdest monster noises, imitating us and I can see how smart you will be. You are kind and loving to your sister, fearless in wanting to be like her, to do everything she does. You are more like me in many ways than I could ever write down. Don’t ever change, remain fearless in front of new situations, but never be careless. Give people the benefit of the doubt, but don’t let them step over you. The world is at your feet, it’s up to you to seize it and make the best of it.

As for me, I have just a few simple requests: keep hugging me once in a while, wait for me to take your first steps and don’t ever forget that I love you with all my heart, now and forever.

Pretty girl!

Have a good day with Daddy and I’ll come kiss you in your sleep…

Love,

Maman Xxo

Good To Be Back

We had a wonderful Christmas and it was so nice to see Rina get in the spirit of Christmas and Santa! Ben and I kept it simple, yet it was a lovely Christmas with his sister and parents. It took me 4 days to be able to walk/sit/stand normally without any pain in my bum after Monday’s WOD, but I was glad to be back at the Box today! I looked at the WOD last night and I thought:

Either I’m not going or I’ll finish an hour after everyone else. This WOD looks brutal!

Source

I managed a new 1RM (had never done 1RM before today) higher than my previous PR for the press at 65#. 🙂

My sets were: 40#-45#-50#-55#-65#

65# was a struggle, but I managed to press through the block and made it by bracing my core even more. Coach Caleb told us that bracing our cores would be capital in this and he was absolutely right!

Then, it was time to tackle the WOD. To me, this was a chipper WOD, meaning, something I just needed to take in strides and keep chipping at it.  I ended up doing the FG with the following modifications:

• 20″ jump box
• pull-ups with red and green bands (I should have used the purple and green, they felt a little easy with red and green)
• 26# KB for goblet squats.

It was a tough one and I finished dead last, but I was glad to have done it. I had been sore for a good 4 days after Monday’s WOD (even though I made a point of going for walks and foam rolling everyday in order to get some active recovery in) and yesterday, we hiked up Mt. Doug from the Glendenning entrance. It is a little bit challenging and it was made more so from the fact that I had Béatrice on my back (a hefty 19#) for the hike. Ben was helping Rina who made it all the way up the hiking trail and back down the main road with minimal “pick up” from her daddy. Not a small feat for a 3-year-old! 🙂 The best part about the hike? I came back home and I was fine. I woke up this morning and I was still fine. No soreness whatsoever! I guess Crossfit really is making me stronger! 🙂

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I go back to work in exactly 7 days. I’ll be honest and say I’m not looking forward to it. It will be hard to leave my darling girlies after 14 months of being at home EVERYDAY with them. I like my job, but if I could afford it, I would stay at home with my girls. I know it will get easier and I’ll just have to chip at every work day like I do a WOD, but in the meantime, I plan on making the most of my time with my hubby and the girls…

I got my baby back!

Sweet, Sweet Rina,

Let’s just say that it’s been  week really high in emotions for both your Dad and I. I made my return to work last Thursday and that part of things went really well. Although I still feel a bit disoriented at times around the unit (there’s been many changes since I left), it also felt like riding a bike at times as things were coming back to me.

The hard part was (obviously), not being to able to see you. You were also VERY MUCH under the weather for the past 3 days: not sleeping, drooling insane amounts of spit, not eating and barely drinking (you were down to about 10oz/day). I was getting worried about you and just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t dehydrate. You gave your Dad and amazingly rough time with barely sleeping 5hrs/night while I was working my night shifts and, I have to say, he really impressed me with keeping his cool with you as he’s also sick (laryngitis). I’m pretty sure I would’ve cried a few times had I been home to deal with you.

He called me last night at work and after he told me about your status, I told him to bring you to the ER and I went to meet you there. My team was really nice and they allowed me to take my break so I could be with you all in the ER. You showed up at the perfect time as you were in and out of the ER within 1hr as there barely was anyone there! I guess living in a small(er) town can have its advantages at times! It turns out, you have a pretty bad case of thrush (oral candida infection). I thought I’d seen some in your mouth yesterday, but wasn’t sure and you wouldn’t let me have a proper look. Anyway, the doctor gave us a prescription and we now have to keep giving it to you for the next 14 days. Already, you’re feeling better and you’ve had 220z of milk today and ate little bits of bread. You’re still drooling at times, but not as bad.

I came home this morning and your Nanny showed up shortly after to take care of you. Feeling confident that you were in good hands (she really is doing a good job with you and you seem to have worked your charms on her too!), I crashed into bed, put my earplugs in, my eye mask on and managed to sleep uninterrupted for 5hrs! When I woke up, I removed my earplugs and could hear you laughing and having a great time with your Nanny! I have to say, it was heavenly music to my ears!

As for you, you’ve been asleep for the past 30mins without a peep coming out of your room. I just hope that you get a good night of sleep as you really deserve it (and so does your Dad).

All’s well that ends well for my 1st set back at work! I’m now off for the next 4 days and it will be good to get my cuddles on with you and your Dad!

Love,
Mom & Dad Xxo

It gets easier, right?!?

Sweet Rina,

Today was my last day on maternity leave and I have to go back to work tomorrow. We had a wonderful day together, you took 2 naps and you were just the best behaved baby all day, which made things a lot easier for me to deal with. Your Dad surprised us and came home extra early from work and even had flowers for me. I guess it wasn’t a big secret that I am struggling with having to leave you tomorrow.

Everything was fine until we put you to bed. You won’t go to sleep, you’ve been crying (more like howling) your little eyes out and even though you are exhausted, every time we put you down, you just start howling again. All I can say is, I know how you feel. I don’t really want this day to end either and maybe if neither of us go to sleep, it won’t. Hang in there little Monkey, it will get better and even though I may not see you at all tomorrow, I will be thinking of you lots and will come see you 1st thing when I get in tomorrow evening.

In the meantime, get some sleep and please be nice to your Nanny tomorrow!

Love,

Mom & Dad Xxo

Bittersweet

Sweet Rina,

Today was my last day on maternity leave and I have to go back to work tomorrow. We had a wonderful day together, you took 2 naps and you were just the best behaved baby all day, which made things a lot easier for me to deal with. Your Dad surprised us and came home extra early from work and even had flowers for me. I guess it wasn’t a big secret that I am struggling with having to leave you tomorrow.

Everything was fine until we put you to bed. You won’t go to sleep, you’ve been crying (more like howling) your little eyes out and even though you are exhausted, every time we put you down, you just start howling again. All I can say is, I know how you feel. I don’t really want this day to end either and maybe if neither of us go to sleep, it won’t. Hang in there little Monkey, it will get better and even though I may not see you at all tomorrow, I will be thinking of you lots and will come see you 1st thing when I get in tomorrow evening.

In the meantime, get some sleep and please be nice to your Nanny tomorrow!

Love,

Mom & Dad Xxo

Oh. My. Muscles!

Sweet Rina,

I’ve started a new workout today. It’s called ChaLean Extreme. I was looking for something to do when I’m at home with you because it’s a bit hard to find time to go to the club and hop on the spinning bike when your Dad is free to look after you. Anyhow, I was contemplating doing P-90, which builds you up to P-90X, but after checking things out with your Dad, he recommended I start with the ChaLean Extreme since it is lower impact and therefore, my shins could heal and not suffer from it.

I did my 1st workout this morning and already I can say: OH. MY. MUSCLES!!! I could go on and name all the muscles that are sore right now, but it would be a very exhaustive list! Let me just tell you my back, upper arms, legs and butt are already sore. Thank goodness tomorrow is supposed to be a rest day! It feels good to be sore though; it’s not a soreness that prevents me from moving around. It’s the kind of soreness that reminds me I have muscles I haven’t used in a very long time and they’re being re-awakened!

I’ve also spent a big part of the afternoon with your Nanny to try to get her used to your schedule and see where we keep your clothes, food and dishes in the house. I feel confident that you’ll be well taken care of and you even gave her a kiss before she left! You’re such a flirt! As for me, I think I’m ready to go back to work on Thursday. I won’t lie, I’m still dealing with my issues about leaving you, but I think I’ll do ok. If only my face could calm down and stop breaking out, I’d feel a bit better, but I guess that’s how I’m expressing my stress! Lovely!

We’ve had a very quiet family weekend last weekend. I’ve put up the Christmas decorations and the Christmas tree. I was a bit afraid you’d go play in the tree so I only put lights in it, but so far, you don’t really care about it! You are such a good baby girl!

Sleep well my love!
Mom & Dad Xxo

1 week

My sweet Rina,

One week from now, I will come home to a sleeping baby after being at work for my 1st day back. I don’t know how it’ll go or how I’m gonna feel when I come home and I’m really trying not to anticipate it. I’ll try my best to just go with the flow. In order to do so, I’ll have a little bit of you with me on that day. I treated myself to a nice necklace with an imprint of your pinkie finger on the medallion. I got the medallion from a friend of mine who does wonderful jewellery on Etsy. You can see her wonderful display here. Hopefully, having that medallion close to my heart will help me get through the day. I’ve taken a picture of it, but it really doesn’t do justice to the quality of her work.

My best attempt at a picture of the pendant

To help me deal with it all and since I can’t run because of my shins, I’ve taken up spinning again. I go to the club when your Dad has some down time and he can supervise you while I get on the bike. I’ve been going for the past 2 days and I’ve found a nice little workout that gives you RPM guidelines so I make a playlist on my phone with music in the same RPM range and go at it following the workout guidelines. I find it helps to be out of the house and exercising when the weather has been pretty crappy (typical fall weather for the west coast) lately. I really need to be out and doing stuff, otherwise, I notice that I get in a real funk. At least, it’s a healthy way to cope I guess!

As for you, you are having a hard time with your teething again and would not go to bed tonight. You ended up falling asleep 40 mins later than usual. Let’s just hope you’ll have a decent night of sleep!

Love,
Mom Xxo